Sketch Diary 5: Looking Down

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I am always troubled by the fact that I have no sense of self-esteem.  For me it’s a highly sensitive issue.  I was always unsure of myself, not confident enough to take risks, every step I take is heavy with doubts and fears.

How did I get this way?

Let’s just say my childhood wasn’t roses and daisies.  I have piles and piles of skeletons in the closet and I feel them tingling in my back to no end.  It’s kind of hard to talk about it in full detail, but it’s what brought me this far, this troubled restless soul in me.  I am still bombarded by my past, when I try not to think about it, it pushes in more, dragging me even deeper.  Sometimes my crack at happiness is almost laborious.

Though I can safely say finding God has lightened up the load by metric tons, and I am starting to see life in more positive light.  But the darkness still looms…well like Rome wasn’t built in a day, so I won’t be able to just clean out that 30+ year old closet in a day either.